I have been confused for the past couple of months, confused about a lot of things. A part of this problem was which path should I go for after graduation this year, but this was merely a part of a much larger puzzle. Overwhelmed with a load of work with hardly any time to think of a solution to this puzzle, I recently got an opportunity to travel north to Murree to attend the National Strategic Conference.
Embracing this chance, I decided to stay another day after the conference to enjoy the fresh mountain air, go exploring a bit more and most of all, try to relax and look for a solution. I went to search for Rivendell, my Rivendell. Anyone who is familiar with Tolkien’s Middle Earth and the Lord of the Rings will know that Rivendell is the beautiful valley near the Misty Mountains, home to the elves, where the weary found a retreat from their travels, explorers discovered a new path to tread on to, and the lost could always trust to find their way again.
We started our journey to Murree in the early hours of darkness, and I made a point to pick a window seat on the left so I could enjoy the fresh air and soak in the little view that was visible in the dark. It was refreshing to say the least, and I can never forget that journey up the hills. As we moved through the traffic of Rawalpindi through the thick smog, the change in the feel of the atmosphere was more than apparent and it got cooler, lighter and graceful. Other than the headlights, the lights inside the passenger cabin were also on, and the glow stretched a few meters into the darkness illuminating the plants and trees against the road side. The trees grew taller and larger, and many of the smaller ones which were just against the road had flowers on their branches. They almost touched me at the window, breezing past me, teasing me of the great beauty that lay beyond the light cast by the van. There was a good moon that night with few clouds, and in its light we could faintly make out the darker shapes of trees further down the flowing valleys. Hidden streams revealed themselves in shining silver as the van passed, the image of the moon reflected perfectly in the crystal clear water. Dots of light also sprang up far below us, as the points of human settlements could be seen scattered throughout the dark countryside.
My mouth was mostly open in a two hour plus “WOW”, and my neck developed a sprain because I had only been looking to my left throughout the journey. I put on my headphones to cancel out the endless drone of the engine, and the sleepy talk of my tired friends. As the Icelandic melodies of Sigur Ros played in my ears, my soul felt elated. Even though I could not see the beauty that surrounded me, I could feel it in the very depths of my heart. The moon, the dotted lights, the flowers on the trees all teased me of what lay ahead; if this was merely a trailer of the beauty up north, I could not wait to see the full movie. I formed the belief that I would definitely find Rivendell somewhere up there, and would go looking for it after NSC ended. However, NSC sort of changed my perception of Rivendell, and helped me grasp some kind of coordinates as to where it may be.
Even though I had learnt to solve many of my problems by looking at things holistically, AIESEC showed how really to take strategy into account. Strategies do not exist merely in organizations, but one can form their own strategy and apply it in personal life. I took part for the very first time in policy making decisions in organization legislation, and had to consider some decisions that can have a long lasting impact. The way AIESEC goes about such an endeavor can be enviable to many, as I witnessed a true democratic model at work with respect to the organization’s values. Taking part in such a task really helped me realize how far-reaching strategic decisions can be on a personal level.
Developing focus points for AIESEC Pakistan’s next five-year strategy and translating that into action plans on a functional level was one thing; but considering how one has to strategically place themselves in the organization to achieve those objectives is another. I have attended many talks and speeches by people who say that: “one must discover themselves before they go on to accomplish other things, and find the path which is right for them”. NSC had such a session too; but where it differentiated was that over its course of five days, it helped discover HOW one can go about such a thing.
All the sessions, when broken and considered separately will never make sense. To exploit the true learnings of NSC, I had to pause and consider everything from the fun, to the people, to the very professionally executed sessions together. All of that helped put things into perspective, and helped me relate (to an extent) of how I can strategically go about an issue rather than poking corners in the darkness. There is a difference between perceiving a situation holistically and solving it holistically.
On the day I really hoped to go forward and search for my Rivendell after the conference, I discovered that my decision was, regretfully, under the subliminal influence of friends. When everyone decided to spend their extra day in Islamabad, I decided to follow suit and cancelled the plans to stay in the mountains in that duration.
I figured that the conference had given me quite a few, if not all, of the answers I sought. I discovered that Rivendell is still a dream; it is not a place to go search for a solution but rather a place you will find eventually when you get to the solution. NSC gave me some bearings on where to search for it, and as I started the long journey down the mountains during the late afternoon, the valleys opened up in their full majestic beauty. I could see clearly now all that the veil of the night hid on the first night to Murree, it was a land out of a fairy tale. The cold hail of that day was melting on the roadsides as we made our way down, with clear springs of water visible on the mountain face to one side. The scenery unfolded in green with us level with clouds on the other side.
As we moved on, it became silhouetted in black against the fading disc of the sun beyond the further peaks with a glare reaching inside the van and touching the heart as another teasing goodbye. I hope to solve the great puzzle inside me, a puzzle that I can’t explain, and then one day reach Rivendell. Rivendell was a place of lasting tranquility, not a place of temporary respite. It was a place of eternal peace, not a forced cease fire. I will continue to search for my Rivendell, during which time it may change to become many more things in my mind. It may not even lie in the mountains for all I know.
Song: Rush - Rivendell
