Saturday, April 28, 2012

366 Nights and an Eluding Fantasy


In the vent in my bathroom outside the screen window, lies a small nest between the metal grill and outer glass pane. Bits of straw and hay gathered over many days carefully assembled together form a shelter from predators and the elements. It is not the prettiest sight to see once you enter the bathroom. It’s been present for a long time, but something always stayed my will to ask our cleaner to sweep it off from the outside, even though it was a barren collection of straws with no resident.

The nest reminded me of my own barren devotion to a project I had taken up, a project that would have been dead if it were not for the little lessons I learnt along the way. It was a project that I took personal responsibility for, setting an ambitious goal which seemed to be a highly daunting task. To publish one of my own works has always been a far-fetched dream of mine, one that I have often talked about but never really worked on. However, I learnt that with all your talk you need to deliver on something concrete or it ends up as a barren and desolate dream, never realized and much like the empty nest that I have kept seeing every day for months on end.

Today, it has been exactly a year since I started writing my case study for AIESEC’s Experience Pakistan initiative. An exact three hundred and sixty six nights ago, I sat up late at night writing down the first draft after long interviews with a few key people in AIESEC. It was in those dark hours that I finally decided to give that project a special shot. I honestly gave it my all thinking that if done properly, some findings may actually be able to help the organization. Also taking into account my short duration spent in the organization since I joined in senior year, I intended to make up for that gap because I felt indebted to AIESEC. Instead of one of those hasty assignments that you work on and try to get over with, I devoted a full, sleepless night to carve the draft to narrative perfection.

It was later that my course instructor saw the effort and agreed that AIESEC indeed had a story to share, and invited me to work more on this project if I wanted, and perhaps give it a shot at publication by entering it in a case writing competition. A bell rang somewhere deep in my head; an opportunity to chase my fairy tale dream? Another motive slowly took to my heart as well: the opportunity to make a lasting contribution to IBA, my business school, by contributing a case study. The bittersweet feelings of entering the corporate world and leaving the student life behind had consumed me. My decision to go forward with this project beyond graduation was based on emotion rather than logic. I had never fully realized the pains of putting a piece of work under a stress test for publishing.

After graduating last June, I took a break and kept the case study on the backburner. Procrastination soon ensued, and the dream seemed set to remain a fantasy. It was hard to force myself out of my static state and start working on a new draft, the worst part being that I had to do it alone. I started the slow and painful process of working again, evaluating the findings one more time and tried to apply concepts to get to a suitable solution. The case study was revised multiple times under the careful criticism of my instructor at IBA, the only other person who was helping me with that case.

Perhaps the only thing that served as my primary motivation at that point was the approach of AIESEC’s July Leadership Conference (JLC), and I saw that as an opportunity to enlighten the executive body with my findings so the weaknesses of Experience Pakistan could be corrected. I soon discovered that if your primary motivation is something more fulfilling than a personal fantasy, a greater hand from above guides you in your tasks you face on the ground. Actually directing my efforts to deliver a presentation at JLC helped me gain more satisfaction than writing the case itself, and the feedback gained from the others was invaluable. The case was revised with all the feedback, this time with more flair and motivation, and setup for a practical test.

Although I had left IBA, my instructor worked hard to run the case study in class the following semester. With the case competition’s deadline approaching in October, she integrated her test results and submitted our case entry for Experience Pakistan. Ironically, I spent the month of October on a work trip of the country, experiencing parts and flavors of Pakistan I had never seen or tasted before. This was a point where I literally felt that I was living the AIESEC embodiment of the experience we promise to our interns here in Pakistan, and really hoped that our case would come out as a top entry in the competition.

Come February, an email in my inbox alerted me to the result of my case study submission; nerves tightened, emotions peaked, and prayers escaped from the soul, all hoping for something positive as I clicked on the email subject “ECCH New Case Writer Competition”. Alas though, it was not meant to be and my dreams stayed a fantasy as I went through every word of the email carefully: “Thank you for your entry… the judges faced a difficult decision… we regret to inform you…” However, it contained a line inviting me to submit my case for publication.

I relayed the news to my instructor in IBA, who still suggested on more testing and further revisions. This time though, I was at more of a loss. I thought I had possibly done all to convey a solid marketing problem, and understood how best to strategically tackle the issue. I could not think of how best to proceed. My attempts to gain some insights from fellow AIESECers in Karachi could not garner much help, and I slumped into another period of procrastination. It’s hard to go the distance alone.

However, reports from proud fellow AIESECers in IBA last month, who were happy that an AIESEC related case was being taught in classes served as a major morale booster. And it was then that I decided to go over all the material one more time to find how best to improve our standing on the case. I figured that it was the small and pure things that served as primary motivators to push you over that finish line. The feedback from peers at IBA as well as the little wonders during my recent travels in Pakistan served as fuel that pushed me to write a more compelling case study for Experience Pakistan.

The nest outside my bathroom vent recently started ringing with the little chirps of baby sparrows. After the cold winds of winter subsided, the barren turban of straw I used to consider removing from the vent had become a home. It was one of the many little sounds of springtime that change the way you start your day. A gloomy Monday morning can’t remain that way if you listen to that little singing, with the elder birds flying in and out of the vent with a worm or two; a vision so sublime yet powerful that you feel motivated to start your day with meaning as you witness the blooming life around you. I learnt that it’s the little things that help you over a long and arduous year of ups and downs: the motivation from friends, the pursuit of a sincere and noble objective and the thought of contributing to a community you have been a part of, rather than the raw pursuit of your personal fantasies.

Yesterday, I saw the baby sparrow for the first time as it popped out of the nest and climbed on to the grill. It shook as it planted its two twig-like feet on its perch, and tried spreading its new God-gifted wings. Raising its little feathery head, it sang again in a hopeful tune, possibly contemplating flight in the days about to come.

Three hundred and sixty six nights later, I have also just finished putting in my final touches on the case, a long work in progress. With another attempt at submission in the works, I can only hope that it breaks through. Maybe such accounts are best told after one succeeds, but it is those little things you need during your trial, the push from those who can help you get over the finish line, that really matter. Dawn is approaching and the distant sound of early birds is already filtering into my room; I wonder once more if this is the morning when the sparrow takes flight.